Burning at Both Ends

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--

It gives a lovely light.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

Don't Think Twice, It's All Right

Жизнь—как сон.  Sometimes I'm really not sure if I am dreaming or not.  At least once a day I have to ask myself, «Is this real life?».   I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that the strange, bizarre, wonderful, funny, melancholic, ironic events that occur daily are real.  Never in my life have I encountered so many unexpected experiences.  This is one of my favorite things about living abroad: never knowing what will happen, even seconds into the future.  But to be honest, this is just life in St. Petersburg.  Life is just strange here.  My host sister Katya keeps telling me that only сумасшедшие (a word that's real meaning gets lost in translation; basically crazy folks) live in St. Petersburg.  I think that she might be right (which explains why I love it here so much!).  Because of the unpredictability of my life at the moment, I’ve resorted to just going with the flow (my normal inclination, but even more free).  In the words of Bob Dylan, “Don’t think twice, it’s all right.”

I wish that I could recount all of the ridiculous things that happen every day, yet that would involve me typing my life away.  There is literally too much to tell, and I always struggle with the question: “What is blog-worthy?”  So instead I’ll describe to you a few events of my weekend to attempt to give you an idea of how much of a joke my life is at the current moment. 

Friday: Go to of class; spend an hour tutoring first-year Smolny students in English; talk with them about the semi-pornographic picture that I made in printmaking class and the etymology of American rock band names; watch Masyana “chicken” cartoon with the Masha’s; go to buy stamps with Meagan and see 3 cats inside the post office; spend an hour and a half on the metro, walking, and on the metro again to find TGI Friday’s for my friends who are in need of an American food fix; receive the most intense “you stupid American” faces when I ask the nearby Megafon advertisers if they by chance knew where Friday’s was located; having found the restaurant watch as my friends ravenously consume such delicacies as buffalo chicken tacos and parmesan crusted quesadillas; leave restaurant to find that swing dancers and their band have taken over the mall; watch dancers as we ride down four flights of escalators; spend twenty minutes trying to decode the sign system in the mall in order to find the bathroom; go home and sleep.

Buffalo Chicken Tacos

Swing Dancers

Saturday: Wake up to snow yet again; stop into Sennaya Market on the way to printmaking; become, yet again, intimidated by the purveyors, however, manage to buy lavash without problems; spend the next hour taste testing pastries and drinking tea until I’m sick at printmaking class; actually begin my work; rock out to sixties jam and French music while printing; somehow end up with a print that looks nothing like my original concept but something that Yuri, my teacher, loves; unsuccessfully attempt to scrub ink off my hands for fifteen minutes; eat Thai pizza and drink apple juice at my friends apt; speed walk to club Radio Baby; watch my friend Anya’s boyfriend, Danila, play guitar in a band with other Smolny students; hang out with my friend Lena and talk movies and books; leave club with Lara, Styopa, Lena, and Mitya to have an impromptu jam sesh in front of the Nevsky metro; watch as the drunks gather to dance, the militsia looks on rather than kick us out, random guy busts out his harmonica, people give us money, and multiple friends that we know continue to walk by; go hang at our other friends' apt, where lightening bolts get painted on my face; celebrate the last daylight savings time EVER in Russia, per decree Medvedeva so that cows will make more milk; go home and sleep. 

Results of Printmaking

Mitya rocking out.

Sunday: Wake up to even more snow; lay in my bed trying to catch up on correspondence; go to meet some friends at a bookstore café to study; get attacked by kids with “Free Hugs” signs outside the metro; submit to hug after hug; get asked to dance by random fairytale characters on the street; study at café next to a little boy building a princess castle with his babushka; walk home; eat fried eggs and fish sticks in bed as I study; commence in hours of non-productivity; ultimately go to sleep. 

Free Hugs on Nevsky

I’m sure that the majority of this doesn’t even make sense.  Don’t worry.  It doesn’t make sense to me either.  My life is a joke, but I’d have it no other way.  It's all right.  

Caught in the Middle

I think that lately the initial shock of being in a foreign place has finally worn off a bit (only 2 months after arrival).  I’ve slowly realized that I’m here for the long haul, a thought that is both awesome and somewhat of a reality check.  I’m still just as glad to be here as I was when I first arrived.  This city is amazing, and every day is an adventure.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when I return home and am without the constant stimulation of city life.  All the same, I miss all the people at home that I love so much.  Half the time I think about how I want to stop time because the semester is flying away, and how I never want to leave St. Petersburg.  The other half of the time I think about my family and friends at home, wonder what they’re doing without me, and think about all the wonderful things that I will do with them when we are reunited.  It’s a beautiful conflict, really.  More than anything, I’ve realized just how blessed I am to be given so many amazing relationships and opportunities both here in Russia and at home.  That’s something that I’ve always known, but it’s something that I feel even more strongly when I take a step back from my normal life.  Now, more than ever, I realize the importance of savoring each sweet moment wherever I am.    

Snow, Snow, GO AWAY!!

Looks like the "Here Comes the Sun" post was a little too premature.  

Snow's a fallin' yet again.  Come on, Spring!  You can do it!

Things I Almost Remember

So yesterday I was making my normal commute back home from Smolny.  I was riding down Nevsky, smashed into the corner of a crowded trolleybus.  My mind numbly wandered as I fell into the “transit trance.”  I pulled out my hand-me-down, pay-as-you-go Nokia that I use in Russia to check a text message.  As I looked at its beat up keys and struggled yet again to type a message in Russian without the help of predictive text, I laughed silently at how ridiculous my Russian phone is.  But then I had the strangest realization: I couldn’t remember what my phone (in America) looks like.  I began to rack my brain to remember, but I simply couldn’t do it.  This is a object that I have looked at a countless number of times every day over the last three years, yet two months without it and I have forgotten it completely.  I spent the rest of the way home trying to remember, but it was not until I made it to my room where I dug it out of my suitcase and saw it with my own eyes that I remembered.  To be honest this was a really stupid occurrence, but it made me realize just how engrained I am in my life here, and how much I am forgetting about life in America.  It’s not like I am forgetting important things, like my friends and family, but the little things, like what my cell phone looks like, are becoming hazy.  It’s crazy to think how much my life has changed over the last two months.  And it works the other way around.  The little things that happen on a daily basis here that I used to think were strange don’t seem so strange anymore.  Honestly I don’t know what is really normal for me anymore.  Living abroad has made that a fact.  And I really love it.  I love not knowing what to expect or what is coming next.  It is a fast and free way of life that is never boring.  Right now I feel like I don’t remember the little things of American life very well, but I know that when I return, I’ll feel the same way about Russia.  The little things will become a blur.  My biggest fear is waking up in America and thinking, “Were the last six months a dream?”  I want to hold onto every memory and every feeling, both good and bad.  But I can’t.  They come and go so quickly.  So for now I’ll live every moment in its own time savoring its wonder and beauty, and I’ll hope desperately that when I am home, I can somehow remember.  

Oh, Russia...

...you never cease to make me smile!

Here Comes the Sun

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right. 


Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter. 


Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here. 


Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces. 


Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here. 


Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting. 


Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear. 


Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right. 


It's all right.

Только СКА! Только победа!

This week I went to my first Russian hockey game (and second hockey game at all).  CKA, St. Petersburg’s professional hockey team, were in the semi-finals of the playoffs against Атлант, Moscow's professional team.  To be honest I really had no idea what to expect.  My night began with the most crowded metro ride I have experienced thus far.  The stadium is located at the end of the metro line, so at every single stop the train became more and more full.  In Russia, people don't see a full car and say, «Oh, I'll just wait for the next one».  No, they use the power of numbers to ram their way into the car.  Just when I thought we couldn't add one more person, we would add at least ten more.  Public transportation really is a joyous thing.  I got crammed in the middle of three tall men and a young couple around seventeen who spent the ride talking about me and trying to decide which Scandanavian  country I was from based on my eyes, hair color, etc.  It's really annoying when people do this.  I wanted to snidely turn to them and say, «Hey, I understand Russian.  If you want to know where I'm from, just ask», but I figured that we had to ride in very close quarters for at least three more stops so it probably wasn't worth it.  

Once we arrived to our final stop the crowds poured from the train station, decked out in their red, white and blue CKA attire.  I met up with my friends, and we were swept up into the crowd of rowdy (and some already drunk) fans on their way to the stadium.  Immediately we were suprised by how «American» everything felt inside the stadium (Western-style architecture, clean bathrooms with TP (a rarity in Russia), American music blasting in the background, etc).  We grabbed our snacks from the overpriced concession stand and began to make our way to our seats so that we could enjoy the very American pasttime of eating a hot dog while spectating a sporting event.  But on our way to our section we realized that everyone else was hurriedly eating their food and chugging their beers right outside of the doors to the seats.  Oops.  We realized that we were a little to quick to assume that this was just like America (This is never something wise to assume when you're not in America!).  We quickly joined in the scarfing of the hotdogs and rushed to our seats, not wanting to miss a thing.  When we stepped into the rink, we were immediately blown away by the energy and excitement of the crowd.  Not a seat was left unoccupied and all were yelling cheers for our team.   I was immediately overstimulated, not knowing what I should take in first: the scantily-clad Russian cheerleaders? the organized cheers/flag waving of the regular spectators? the team mascot who was repeatedly running into a wall? the kiss cam on the big screen? or hey, the actual game?  As much as I was distracted, I did my best to focus on the game.  CKA scored an early goal and the crowd went wild (until Атлант came back to tie the game).  They remained tied for the majority of the game, but in the last five minutes Атлант came back and scored for the win knocking CKA out of the playoffs.  Sad.  I was really hoping for a win, of course, but to be honest I wasn’t too disappointed because the entire experience was a victory in itself.  I learned lots of new Russian cheers (Питер! Шайбу! Армецей с Невы! Только СКА, Только победа!), I experienced the most epic crowd wave, which went on for at least five minutes straight and included coordinated signs, and I watched the five year-old girl in front of me try to imitate the suggestive dances of the cheerleaders as her papa beamed with pride (typical).  Overall, it was a win of a night. 

It’s cool to see how sports really are universal.  The energy and sentiment of the game can be felt and understood by all.  Language is not necessary to share in the celebration of a scored goal or a successful block.  No words are necessary.  So often I am aware of the limitations of my Russian, and it can be very frustrating and discouraging when I can't express the nuances of my ideas and feelings.  For that reason I love to get lost in these moments of real connection without language.  It's true that we say so much with language, but we say so much more without it.  And that is a beautiful thing.     

Lara and Styopa speed-eating their hotdogs.

Kiss cam.

Hey, they're actually playing HOCKEY!

We ♥ CKA!

Cheerleader wanna-be and proud papa.

Cheerleaders and mascot.

A few seconds of the most epic wave ever.

Excited fans.  Love, love, love those hooligani.  

And to Rachel Stowe, I tried really hard to find you a husband at the game but no luck.  I think you just need to come over here and look for yourself...yeah, I like that plan better:)

I ♥ Peter.

What do men want?

Why they want juicy meat, of course!!

A few random thoughts on the Naval Museum

As part of my attempt to see as many St. Petersburg museums as possible (I've already been to a ton and have barely made a dent), I visited the Museum of Naval history with a couple of friends.   Of course the highlight of the day was seeing Peter the Most Awesome's first boat that he sailed when he was sixteen.  So cool!  But despite all that awesomeness, there were a few random things that I wanted to share.

1. This museum marked my penultimate success in fooling the ticket lady into believing that I am a Russian citizen.  At museums there are different prices for Russian citizens and everyone else (and different student rates too).  In general, our strategy is to give the cashier our студентческие билеты (student IDs) without saying a word.  We don't want to give her a chance to detect an accent.  Even a few words can be dangerous and will result in paying a higher price.  Usually we are successful.  On this particular day we followed the normal protocol.  But the cashier got wise and realized that we weren't Russian citizens...everyone except me.  I got to pay the 50 rouble Russian student price while the others had to pay 120 roubles.  The price was no big deal (a dollar fifty versus four dollars), but this was a very proud moment for me.  Of course this does not at all reflect back on my Russian ability since I said nothing, but all the same I like it when people think that I'm Russian.

2. After we got our tickets (and Max and Ethan had finished being mad at me for getting the lesser priced ticket), we noticed a funny thing.  These tickets were surplus USSR tickets which formerly cost only 30 kopecks (which now amounts to approximately thirty cents).  The new price had been stamped on top.  I'm not really sure what this says about the museum.  Either the original printers of the tickets were a little overzealous and optimistic about the success of the museum, or maybe we were the few visitors that were still choosing to visit.  Anyways, I thought these tickets were pretty funny and very Russian.

 

3.  Every time I visit any war-related museum in Russia, I am always struck by the significance of language and word choice.  Most of these smaller museums are without any English translations, which is good for practicing Russian.  I think we're always amazed at how much information we can glean from such technical descriptions.  I always find it interesting that in the context of WWII Russians tend to refer to the Germans as Fascists and not Nazis like we generally do in the US.  This difference in title says a lot about the historical perspective of Russia.  I feel like the Americans viewed the Germans as an enemy, but to the Russians they were much more than an enemy.  It was an ideological struggle: Fascism vs. Communism.  I think that the Russians felt a real possibility of their system falling to fascism.  The threat was so close and was on Russian soil.  This is something that America did not feel in the same way because the threat was not so immediate.  For this reason I think that the Americans more often referred to Germans as Nazis because this was a more detached term.  Perspective is so important, and it's interesting to see the differences in the perception of history.  These thoughts only scratch the surface of differences in the historical perception of WWII, but this is definitely something that I've been thinking about lately.  

'Tis the season...to eat blini and be a woman.

The recent busyness in my life has led to a lack of substantial blog posts despite the fact that I have so much to say. So I’m sorry, y’all.  You’re about to endure an explosion of all that I’ve been holding back.  Hopefully it won’t get too messy. 

For the past week I have partaken in what is quite possibly the most wonderful holiday of the year: масленица. Maslenitsa is a weeklong holiday with both religious and pagan roots.  In folk tradition, Maslenitsa is a celebration of the sun and the arrival of spring.  In the Christian tradition, it is the week preceding the start of Orthodox Lent, which started two days ago.  Literally translated it means, “butter week.”  During the Orthodox Lent meat, dairy and eggs are given up, so Maslenitsa is celebrated with the consumption of lots and lots of blini.  For those of you who have yet to experience the wonder that is the blin, blini are, in short, thin Russian pancakes that can be filled with practically anything.  Golden, round and hot like the sun, these tasty delights warm my mouth and my heart almost daily.  It would be an understatement to say that my friends and I have become obsessed with blini during our time in St. Petersburg.  We are in love.  Fortunately/unfortunately, Теремок, the local blini chain, has a stand just around the corner from my school.  Sometimes the temptation is unbearable when I stand waiting for the bus and the scent of buttery goodness makes its way to my nose.  Теремок is relentlessly trying to show me just how little self control I have…and it is succeeding.

Теремок's Maslenitsa advertising.  SO MANY BLINI!!

Since Maslenitsa gave me the opportunity to gorge my face with blini for a week in the name of cultural enrichment, I took full advantage by eating blini multiple times a day, everyday of the week.  And it was GLORIOUS!!  If I had any doubts of what is my favorite holiday, I know now that Maslenitsa is the one.  Early in the week my friends and I celebrated the holiday with a blini potluck.  Each person brought their own favorite ingredients, which included: Nutella, bananas, strawberries, an assortment of jams, sweetened condensed milk, Snickers, sour cream, honey, mushrooms, cream cheese, salmon, and the list goes on and on.  It was a fun night of relaxation and appreciation of Russian culture.  There’s nothing like gathering in a Russian apartment and sharing in a meal.  These are the kinds of moments that I want to hold onto forever…

Blini flipper extraordinaire.

Beginnings of our blini potluck.

We flipped lots and lots of blini.

Meagan and her Snickers blin.  Best idea ever.  

Salmon and cream cheese blini.

The penultimate moment of the Maslenitsa festivities takes place on Sunday, the last day before чистый понедельник (clean Monday).  To begin the day I gathered with my whole host family (mama, sister, sister’s boyfriend, brother, brother’s wife) for our last blini feast until Easter.  This was by far the tastiest blini I’ve eaten in my life.  My host mama pulled out all the stops and provided us with luxurious fillings, such as caviar, homemade apple butter, and homemade cranberry jam.  Unfortunately, I have no pics to document this occasion, because I was so excited about eating that I forgot until we were finished (I’m sure that’s not surprising to anyone that knows me).  After the feast, we headed out to a park where a Maslenitsa festival was in full force with all the traditional shenanigans: singing, dancing, games, and most importantly the burning of the чучело.  This tradition basically entails the burning of a 15-foot doll named Lady Maslenitsa while dancing around her in a circle as a symbol of bringing in the spring season.  Russians really do know how to celebrate, and I love it.  We had lots of fun dancing, hanging out, and making new friends.  I captured a few videos of the merriment, which I hope will give you a little of idea of the fun that was had. 

Me with a mini Lady Maslenitsa

Чучело pre-burning

Burn, baby, burn.

Sorry it's sideways, but here's the чучело burning.

A little too much fun...

Orthodox Lent began on Monday.  After a wonderful fairytale day spent in Pushkin (which I have not the time to expound upon here, but let me just say AWESOME), my friend and I visited an Orthodox church.  Many gathered in the church to pray and ask forgiveness, preparing themselves for the next forty days of sacrifice.  While Orthodox tradition is still very foreign to me, I am beginning to understand it more and more.  As I am walking I often stop into random churches just to think, pray, or light a candle.  Despite my ignorance, I am inspired by the deep spirituality that I see in the men and women practicing the rituals of their faith.  Examining my own faith in light of the faiths of others is helping me to see in a new light.  I have agreed to observe Orthodox Lent with my host family, which means no meat, dairy and eggs until Easter.  We’ll see how that goes.  If you know anything about Russian food, you’ll know that such a diet is almost impossible to imagine. I’m three days in and so far, so good.     

Church that we visited on Clean Monday.  
We think it looks like a cake.  

If there wasn’t already enough celebrating, Tuesday was the 8^th of March, Международий Женский День (International Women’s Day)!  This is a state holiday in Russia, which meant no school Monday or Tuesday (because why would we work one day after the weekend just to have the next day free?  I love Russian logic!).  Women are celebrated on this day with congratulations, flowers, chocolate, presents, etc.  I’m continuing to reap the benefits of this holiday as my apartment is now filled with flowers and lots of tasty treats.  Just when I thought the holiday was over, I arrived at school today to find that the boys of Smolny had organized a cotton candy machine in the café for all the ladies.  Russia (and Smolny) never ceases to amaze me.  I am absolutely in love with the Smolny community!  I am reminded everyday of how lucky I am to have such a unique experience abroad.  If anyone’s on the fence about studying abroad, DO IT!!! And come to St. Petersburg with Smolny.  You won’t be sorry, I promise.

Flowers for March 8.

Cotton candy for the ladies.

So happy to be women!

I’ve got so much more to share, but all this celebrating has worn me out.  I’ve been burning it at both ends, and I think Russia is beginning to catch up with me.  So I think I’ll just try running faster, and maybe I’ll end up ahead of her.  Let’s hope. 

Rhodes in Russia ♥

Salamanders are dangerous!!

Like I said, it's a small world.

Even Crocs have made it to Russia with their own store (though I can't really imagine any situation where I could see a Russian actually wearing them).  Oh, the glories/horrors of globalization!

It's a small world (after all)

Time flies so, so fast.  I cannot believe that I’ve been in St. Petersburg for over a month now.  I have roughly 100 days left in this wonderful place.  I’m trying to hold onto every moment and savor its wonder, but most of the time it feels like time is slipping through my fingers.  Every moment that passes is a moment that I’ll never have again.  Sometimes I just want time to stop to hold onto a moment, but most of the time I’m glad that it keeps moving because everyday, every second brings me something new to love, live, and experience.  Today was the first day of spring, and although there was little change in the weather, a fresh hope for the future was tangible in the air.  Smolny students celebrated the beginning of the new season, but also the beginning of a new chapter in the life of our school.  Yesterday the Academic Council of St. Petersburg State University voted to create a new Faculty of Liberal Arts and Sciences from Smolny College.  While I’m sure that this fact means nothing to 99% of people who are reading this blog, it’s a really big deal to the people around me right now.  This development has major implications for the future of Smolny.  It’s really cool to not just be studying abroad but to be a part of a project that is working to change the system of education in Russia. 

So, I thought that living in a foreign country would help me to understand the expanses of this big world in which I live, but I’ve found that quite the opposite has occurred.  The more I travel and the more that I experience, the more I realize the truth of that slightly annoying song: it actually is a small world (after all).  I’m sure that this wasn’t always the case.  It probably felt pretty darn big to the dudes that discovered new pieces of land and all, but in our globalized, tech savvy world of today it feels a little cramped.  Of course when I came to St. Petersburg, the window to the West, I expected to feel the influence of the global world on Russian culture, but I’ve still found so many things that I didn’t expect to experience here.  For example: I didn’t expect to buy the exact same shampoo/conditioner that I use at home (same brand, same scent, just in Russian) in a corner beauty shop.  I didn’t expect to walk into a club and realize that 90% of the music played is either American or British and that everyone there knows every word (and I don’t).  I didn’t expect to watch Friends (dubbed in Russian) with my host mama every night after dinner (or Sex in the City or Desperate Housewives or ER).  I didn’t expect to see more iPads and Kindles than I’ve seen in the States.  To be honest these things don’t really surprise me, but they do make me so aware of how life in Russia can be so similar yet so different from life in the states.  It’s such a beautiful paradox, and because of it I never know when something will feel foreign or familiar. 

When I first got here I had this great desire to avoid all things that seemed “American” and to live a very “Russian” life.  I tried to be that anti-American girl.  I boycotted McDonalds runs, tried to limit my English usage, avoided eating foods that I could eat in America, didn’t watch/listen to any American movies/music, etc.  I didn’t want anything to do with America.  I’d come here to be Russian after all, but I have quickly realized that no clear line can be drawn between what is strictly American culture and what is strictly Russian culture.  Our cultures are hopelessly tangled with one another.  Things that I am accustomed to at home are often still considered normal here, and indulging in these things does not make my Russian experience any less authentic.  Actually such indulgences probably makes my life more true to normal life in St. Petersburg.  But despite my ability to find tastes of home all around me, I’m most definitely in a foreign country.  For every similarity, there are a hundred differences.  Russia is its own place with its own character, and for that I love it dearly.  It daily captures my heart, and I find that my love for this place is growing deeper and deeper.  If someone knows a way that I can live in two places at once, please let me know.  I don’t know how I’m this blessed to love life on two continents so much.  I’m such a lucky girl.   

All my love from Russia.